It may not often be talked about, but toilet anxiety is very common. So much so, it’s become my speciality, and I help clients from all over the world overcome toilet anxiety using hypnotherapy.
And the best part: treatment is given by Zoom, from the comfort of home.
What is Toilet Anxiety?
Toilet anxiety is the fear that if you need the toilet, it will be difficult to find one in time. This fear makes the need to go more urgent, and creates a cycle of anxiety.
In my experience, the reasons are usually quite specific – such as being stuck in traffic… or on a train… or in a meeting… and not being able to get to a toilet. Or worrying that when you get to the toilet, there will be a long queue. Or worse, it will be out of order.
Everyone can relate to these fears, but for people with toilet anxiety, they stop life being fun. Toilet anxiety sufferers often need to use the loo 5-6 times right before they leave the house.
They avoid eating or drinking before going out, and worry excessively about where the available next toilet will be.
This is a typical toilet anxiety sufferer’s journey to work:
Toilet Anxiety vs Toilet Phobia
Toilet anxiety is different to toilet phobias like shy bladder syndrome (Paruresis) and shy bowel (Parcopresis).
Both conditions can cause anxiety about needing to go to the toilet and social embarrassment, of course, and both can be very debilitating.
A person with toilet phobia will have anxiety about pooping or urinating in a public restroom if someone else is around, or will fear the embarrassment or health consequences of using public loos.
A person with toilet anxiety is more worried about actually getting to a working toilet in time, and they fear the embarrassment of not making it.
It might sound like a small distinction, but I’ve found over the years that toilet / bathroom anxiety is usually rooted in fear of loss of control, whereas toilet phobia is usually more to do with fear of sickness or criticism.
I can help both, of course, but my speciality is toilet anxiety.
What Causes It?
Like agoraphobia, toilet anxiety often starts as a minor worry. But this can soon become a source of more anxiety as it keeps nagging away, creating a vicious cycle of physical & emotional distress, until eventually it has a devastating impact on your ability to socialise, study or work.
Toilet anxiety sufferers eventually get to the point where they stop going out socially to things like restaurants or the cinema, and stop travelling on public transport like trains or coaches, even though they know toilets are available.
In my experience, most clients have a story to tell about how or where it started.
For some, it was primary school… maybe they had (or witnessed) a toilet accident in class.
But it can start at any age, and isn’t always about actually wetting or soiling yourself. Even the experience of having to hold on for an extended period of time can be enough to start the fear.
I’ve heard stories about drinking too much and being unable to get off the bus. Being stuck on a crowded train between stations. Being stuck next to a stranger on a flight and not being able to get out of the seat. Or being caught in a long queue for the toilet at a festival.
Food poisoning on holiday is another common starting point for toilet anxiety. IBS suffers are also prone to toilet anxiety because the increased stress creates a vicious cycle that makes their urgency for the toilet even greater.
Some clients also have toilet dreams (or ‘nightmares’) leading up to a trip or important event where their worst case scenarios play out.
How Hypnotherapy For Toilet Anxiety Works
The thing is, like all fears and anxious thoughts, they aren’t necessarily true or helpful.
Just because you can picture yourself having an accident, embarrassing yourself or living your worst case scenario, doesn’t mean it will happen. Most people have similar thoughts from time to time, but these are quickly dismissed because they know they can simply hold on until they can reach a toilet.
So toilet anxiety is essentially an issue of confidence – it’s a lack of belief and confidence in your body’s ability to deal with the situation when it arises.
With toilet anxiety hypnotherapy, I am able to deliver suggestions directly to the subconscious part of your mind. Once your subconscious mind takes on that suggestion, the beliefs change, the behaviours fall in line, and confidence returns.
There may be numerous situations that trigger your toilet anxiety, but I’ve found from experience that we normally only have to tackle a few of them before your subconscious gets the message.
At that point, the fear collapses and all the anxiety disappears.
Permanent improvement can generally be achieved in 5-6 sessions, so you no longer need to waste your precious energy living with the anxiety and problems that toilet anxiety brings.
Get Treatment From The Comfort Of Home
Whatever your story, the longer you leave toilet anxiety, the worse it often gets. Your world starts closing in as you gradually stop doing the things you used to enjoy.
“I know it sounds crazy, but anxiety about needing the toilet destroyed my confidence. Toilet anxiety was ruining my life”…
Toilet anxiety can stop you going to restaurants, getting a haircut, travelling on public transport, driving a car in case you get stuck… until eventually, the only place that feels safe is home.
I know because I’ve seen it with my clients so many times over the years.
Let me help you take back control. Together we will rebuild your trust in your body, stop the intrusive thoughts, relax your mind, build confidence and help you get back your life.
And best of all, your sessions can be via Zoom, so you can choose to stay in the comfort of home, even if you are near my hypnotherapy practice in Gravesend!
Ready to Get Started?
Treatment typically takes 5-6 sessions. These can be booked individually, or you can save with a 6 session package.
or contact me by email to make a booking offline
Got a question about toilet anxiety? Ask me below!
Case Studies
Emma, 28, Toilet Anxiety (Office, Trains and travelling)
Introduction
Emma got in touch with me seeking help for crippling anxiety that she had been suffering with for a number of years. She said it started when she needed the toilet on a train and was stuck between stations, she feared she would have an accident which led to a panic attack.
However, because she didn’t want to bring attention to herself, she tried to quietly manage it until she got off the train but felt totally overwhelmed, nervous, hot, and had difficulty breathing.
She was able to find a toilet but, and since then the anxiety has been increasing, she now avoids public transport as much as she can, has stopped a lot of her interests and socialising, only doing things she really “can’t get out of”. She is most comfortable at home. The possibility of work travel had made her get in touch.
Background.
Emma is 28 and commutes to London, she has a ten-minute walk to the station and a 30-minute train journey. She works from home 3 days a week but has to be in the office for two days. On those days, she will not eat or drink anything before leaving the house. She will go to the toilet a number of times before leaving the house and then, one more time, just to make sure.
She will spend a significant amount of time in the toilet just to see if there is anything left. She will walk a route that takes slightly longer as there are cafes on the route, just in case she needs them. She will then pop into the toilet at the cafe next to the station. The whole time she is scanning her body looking for signals she needs to go. She says she is on edge the whole time on the train, sometimes she feels a little easier if there is a toilet but it is difficult to control the anxiety.
She would often travel outside of rush hour to avoid the crowds as much as possible.
The problem started to get worse recently as there was the possibility of work travel. This was creating a huge amount of stress as Emma wouldn’t be able to control the situation. She may travel with colleagues and there would be meetings, restaurants and taxi rides etc.
The only place Emma feels truly comfortable is home and now feels the same level of fear whenever she needs to leave the house. Her main fear is having an accident, this has led to a fear of needing the toilet and the fear of not finding one in time. She doesn’t trust her body to be able to hold it and has to plan every journey.
The Treatment
As always, the first session was our opportunity to discuss her situation, her background, triggers, her experiences etc. We looked at what makes it worse, when it is ok, we discussed her goals and how she would like to be. We also looked at her coping mechanisms, how she currently navigates going out and also what she tells herself about what she can and can’t do.
It was evident that Emma had developed many avoidant strategies to try and manage the anxiety and to avoid panic attacks but with the work travel, she knew she would have to “act normal”.
We decided it was important to manage the anxiety more effectively and worked to settle Emma’s nervous system, just thinking and talking about the problems activated the fight-or-flight response. We also wanted to reset her beliefs around what her body was capable of and switch off the constant fear of embarrassing herself. Over the next couple of sessions, we were able to challenge these thoughts and start to build on the controlling her reactions and building trust in her body. Sometimes she noticed the sensations in her body and other times she was more in her thoughts and spiralling.
At the time of travel, Emma’s level of anxiety had significantly decreased, she was still worried about inconveniencing others but was able to control the doubts in her mind. There were times she felt nervous but we rationalised those and then built on the confidence, this allowed her to believe she would be ok and start trusting her body more.
We set some goals that she felt confident she could achieve and used this as evidence to prove to her mind she was capable. She felt motivated to do more and started to challenge any doubts that crept in. The remaining sessions we spent reinforcing beliefs that she could go out, be spontaneous, travel and relax.
She started taking a more direct route to the station and stopped the ‘just in case’ visit to the cafe. Emma started to notice what was an overthinking / nervous reaction in her body compared to a true message that she needed the toilet. She was able to sit comfortably on the train and read/sleep/ look out of the window without the fear or feeling on edge.
Outcome
Emma sent me an email a few weeks later and said that she felt so much better since the sessions. She felt in control of her body and no longer feared having an accident. She had the occasional worry but knew the difference in her body and was always able to dismiss it. She had more work events coming up but wasn’t worrying about them
Richard, 54, Toilet Anxiety (Teacher)
Introduction
Richard got in touch with me after a colleague had seen me for IBS-related toilet anxiety. I had helped his colleague but he was unsure if I could help him. Richard had a traumatic experience, after lunch one day he urgently needed the toilet but couldn’t leave the class and was worried about soiling himself. He now constantly scans his body, feels like he is on high alert, he is terrified it is going to happen again and the anxiety is getting worse. He got in touch as his daughter is getting married and he needs to “sort this”.
Background.
As a teacher, Richard cannot easily leave the classroom as the students cannot be left alone.
Until this event he had never really thought too much about needing the toilet during the day, if needed, he could always wait until a break or lunchtime.
His wife knows about the situation but his adult children don’t and are constantly making fun of him for the amount of time he spends in the toilet.
He feels frustrated a lot of the time, he feels on edge and can’t relax. He often thinks about the event and even though he made the bathroom in time, he feels he was lucky that time and next time he might not be so lucky. Since then he does not eat lunch for fear of needing the toilet in the afternoon. He will get up an hour earlier to use the toilet and will generally stay in the toilet until he feels empty. If he has social events he will take Imodium so he feels safe.
The Treatment
Our first session was the chance for us to talk through the situation, it was also an opportunity to discuss how Richard was before this event and his habits so we had a benchmark. At first Richard found it quite difficult to talk about the situation as for him, body movements are not something you talk about. He also felt it was embarrassing and as an adult, he shouldn’t be in this situation.
I talked about some of the science behind how traumatic experiences affect us and how fear can be making the situation worse as it can speed up or slow down digestion, tighten muscles, and can interfere with the signals controlling the need to have a bowel movement. Which on top of feeling very vulnerable, often makes you feel more alert and anxious.
He started to relax and said it actually felt a relief to talk about it. He talked about during the incident he felt the sensations in his body and bowels getting stronger and more frequent. He tried to ignore it and distract himself until the end of the lesson but found himself getting hotter and hotter and the cramps getting worse. He really feared soiling himself and in the end, had to call another teacher to come in and he literally ran to the toilet. He said it was the most frightening experience of his life. He was terrified he was going to have an accident in front of his students and felt totally out of control.
On the outside Richard has always come across as quite capable and confident but this has really knocked his confidence so wanted to get back to being that person. He said the worries aren’t just limited to the classroom it is everywhere. Our goals were to remove the fear and emotions associated with the traumatic event, to understand that his body hadn’t let him down. In fact it had worked perfectly, it had let him know there was a problem and he needed to use the toilet. When he ignored the messages, they got stronger.
His body was working perfectly so he needed to believe in his body’s ability to do its job and to learn to trust it again. He wanted to learn to read the signals properly from his body and not jump to the conclusion that every gurgle or muscle tensing was him needing to go to the toilet. He wanted to be able to do any events, calmly and confidently like he would’ve done before the incident. Lastly he wanted to know that some nerves were ok but not to be terrified by events, for example his daughter’s wedding.
Outcome
Over 5 sessions we worked through these issues and goals, Richard felt back in control of his emotions and was back to trusting his body, his confidence was building and he no longer took the Imodium. He felt more relaxed in the class and then we had one final session a couple of months later just before his daughter’s wedding to reinforce his confidence, deal with nerves, he was no longer worried about walking her down the aisle or needing the toilet during the ceremony or speeches.
This article has given me so much hope! I’ve struggled with toilet anxiety for 3 years and it’s just been getting worse, so I finally decided it was time to see if it’s a common problem. I was shocked how closely your article described exactly how I feel mostly of the time. I’m so happy I found you.
Hi Jessy, I was so glad to come across your story.. my daughter has had severe toilet anxiety for eight years and it’s ruined her teenage years through not going out and being a normal teenager.. she has had 3 round of CBT and a year of counselling which cost over a thousand pound but nothing has worked.. I’m desperate to help her and would try anything if I thought it would work.. I’m so excited by your story.. did you have face to face hypnotherapy or zoom.. x
Sorry to hear your daughter has suffered for so long. Most of my toilet anxiety clients see me over Zoom, and it is just as effective as face-to-face. Most have tried numerous other therapies, but the underlying causes of toilet anxiety cannot easily be “talked” away, which is why hypnotherapy is so much more effective. Happy to have a chat if it’s an option you’d like to explore (use the contact link above and I’ll call you). Regards, Heidi