Why It Happens (and What Actually Helps) You’re out, maybe shopping, travelling, in a queue, theatre or meeting someone and suddenly you become aware of sensations or movement in your body. It often follows with a thought, “What if I need the toilet?”, and almost instantly, “What if I don’t make it?”. The fear of …
Are you afraid of having an accident when out? Maybe you are afraid of losing control of your bladder or bowels and not making it in time, of wetting yourself or pooing. It’s not really about the toilet. It’s about control, dignity, and safety — very human things. There are a number of reasons we …
When working with clients, a question I am often asked is, how to cope when you feel you need the toilet, but know you don’t really need to go. I do know that if you are often anxious about needing the toilet when you are out, it can be very overwhelming. It can be hard …
Why Flying Can Trigger Toilet Anxiety (and What Actually Helps) No matter what your normal toilet habits are, when you’re travelling, it is common to feel worried about needing the toilet on a plane. For many people, flying isn’t just about turbulence or fear of heights, they are very nervous about needing the loo and …
Overthinking is when our minds get stuck on certain thoughts and feelings, thinking about a certain topic or situations excessively. It often becomes consuming and difficult to focus on anything else. Many people who overthink the toilet or struggle with anxiety about needing the toilet find themselves needing to go to the toilet more often …
People with a very active thinking mind often have a need for information, answers, understanding and solving problems. Often asking “what if” questions, for people that worry about the toilet and needing a toilet when they are out, this can spiral. Understanding the “What if” Thought Cycle The pattern often begins with a situation where …
Simply understanding anxiety and how it operates doesn’t always stop it, many people who struggle with anxiety about needing the toilet say the same thing: “I know it’s anxiety… but it still happens.” or “I know I don’t need the toilet, but I still worry” So even understanding anxiety and knowing that the fear is …
Many people who struggle with anxiety about needing the toilet describe the same experience, normal body sensations can feel more urgent. They are usually more aware of their body sensations but anxiety makes them more aware and then any normal body sensations suddenly feel more urgent. This can be frustrating, especially when it seems to …
For many people, the problem isn’t just the sensation of needing the toilet. The real difficulty is the thought that follows it: “What if I don’t make it?” Once that fear of not making it to the toilet starts to take hold, it can begin to affect everyday life. People start planning routes around toilets, …
Most people experience mild signals from their bladder or bowel throughout the day without paying much attention to them. But when anxiety is present, those same signals can suddenly feel much more noticeable. At the same time, the mind often starts monitoring the body more closely: “Do I need the toilet? What if I suddenly …
Helping you come out of this stronger The past few months in lockdown have been challenging. Many people have suffered disappointments, losses, worries and stress, both in their personal and working lives. Isolation from our friends and support networks has also intensified everyday social and mental health problems – such as anxiety, fears, and relationship …
A client I once worked with said that they believed everything they thought – especially the thoughts about being worthless, fat and ugly… Believing those thoughts destroyed their confidence. That led to thoughts about needing alcohol, cigarettes, chocolate and crisps… Believing those thoughts destroyed their body. So not all thoughts are helpful (or healthy)… And …
Recently I was trying to explain to a friend what I do and he was finding it hard to understand. He is very much of the opinion that, whatever is going on in your life, you should have a stiff upper lip, pull yourself together, know that the grass isn’t greener on the other side, …
The other day, I found this great little video. It uses jelly beans to show you the value of your time and how precious each moment of your life is. In my work, I often help people overcome their limitations, so they can enjoy life more fully. Perhaps it’s a fear or phobia that stops …
As a full-time therapist, I spend a lot of time helping people with anxiety. But very often, their progress can be unwittingly undermined by the people who are closest to them. A large part of the problem for friends and family is knowing what they can do to help. Quite often, you can feel just …
We lost our cat to old age a few months ago, and our children were desperate to have a new pet in the house. So after much family debate, we ended up with a pair of gerbils. “Cookie” and “Coffee”. To welcome them to the family, we got them the luxury Gerbilarium (yes, it’s a …
Had a movie afternoon with the kids the other weekend. And being the only girl in the family, we ended up with Jurassic Park. Again. (I know boys like dinosaurs, but seriously, this must be the 800th time…) Anyhow, the scene where Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) is explaining Chaos Theory to Ellie reminded me of …
My husband, Rob, recently took over as Chairman of our local scout group. And far from “just chairing a few meetings a year”, it turns out there’s a lot he needs to get up to speed with. All kinds of policies, processes and issues to deal with. Anyhow, there’s a thing called the “Scout Law” …
I don’t know about you, but it’s been flipping cold outside the last few days. It’s ok though… because according to research published by Osaka University in 2011, people feel happiest when the temperature is 13.9°C. I kid you not. Closer to home, when the University of Sussex got 22,000 people to log their emotional …
Richard Feynman won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1965 and he was notorious for challenging authority and fixed beliefs. In one of his books, he talks about how his father, who was in the uniform business, would teach him not to give power or respect to someone just because of the costume they wear. …
I love how young children make up words. For example, the other day, I asked my youngest how his day at school went. His answer was: “very well-ly, thank you” When it comes to language, children are fearless. They are so focussed on the ideas that they want to express that the correctness of the …
Today is World Mental Health Day, and this year the theme is psychological first aid. So here are 10 practical ways to look after your mental health from the Mental Health Foundation: 1. Talk about your feelings2. Exercise3. Eat well4. Drink sensibly5. Keep in touch with loved ones6. Ask for help7. Take a break8. Do …
Hands up if you’ve used one of these words or phrases in the last week: • Bedroom• Gossip• Negotiate• Worthless• Undress• Fashionable• Amazement• Excitement• Method in the madness• One fell swoop• Seen better days• The world’s my oyster• Foregone conclusion• Eaten out of house and home Did you know that they were all invented by Shakespeare? Apparently, there are over 1,700 words and phrases …
You’ve most likely heard of the “Fight or Flight” response. It’s our body’s primary reaction to stress or anxiety, and it gets us ready to fight or run away when we think we are in danger. But fight and flight have a cousin called, “Freeze”. Freeze leaves us “frozen with fear”, unable to move or …
The last couple of weeks, we’ve been visiting secondary schools with our eldest. Saturday we visited a school and hated it. The open day was packed. The teachers and students seemed disinterested. The school buildings looked tired and depressing. And top it off, it was raining cats and dogs. Compared with some of the other …
It’s Day 4 of Stoptober – the 28-Day National Stop Smoking Challenge. Which means that non-smokers everywhere are currently tiptoeing around moody friends and relatives who would rip their heads off for the mere whiff of a cigarette. If you are one of those lucky people, then here’s what you can do to help… Encourage …
Stress has a funny way of creeping up on you. Last night, for example, we were at a school open evening with our eldest. It was jam packed. We queued to get into the car park. We queued to get into the school. We queued to get into the hall for the headteacher’s talk. And …
Our eldest will be going up to secondary school next year, so the last few evenings have been taken up juggling all the school open days in the diary. And I’ve got to tell you, it’s really stressful. Not the diary juggling part. That’s easy. It’s dealing with responsibility of it all that’s hard. I …
Our youngest son loves singing along to music, and is amazing at naming the song and artist as soon as a tune comes on the radio. But just like most young children, he’s not so great when it comes to the lyrics. The other day, for example, whilst listening to a Rick Astley classic in …
The council arrived outside our house this morning to start fixing up all the potholes. They have to do it every year, because the water seeps into the joins and ridges between the patches and freezes, cracking the tarmac. So by the time winter ends, the potholes have re-appeared. I sometimes think that if they …
We went for a family dinner at our local “Subway” the other week. A rather unusual choice for dinner, I agree. But we were driving home from a day out and I made the mistake of asking the children what they wanted to snack on… just as we were passing by. So we went along …
I went to the cinema the other week with some girlfriends to see “Bad Moms”. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting anything more than some light hearted entertainment and a few cringing nods of sympathy from all of us mothers in the audience. But, to my surprise, it was not only funnier than I imagined, …
Recently I was trying to explain to a friend what I do, and he was finding it hard to understand. He is very much of the opinion that, whatever is going on in your life, you should have a stiff upper lip, pull yourself together, know that the grass isn’t greener on the other side, …
Committing to change can be a scary thing, even if it’s something you really want. This last weekend, for example, I signed the lease agreement for my shiny new office in Waterman House. It’s a lovely office space. Bright, clean, comfortable, air conditioned, with a manned reception and everything. And after months of being without …