All relationships have ups and downs. But if yours is leaving you lonely, frustrated, sad or angry, then relationship counselling can help.
I know how tough and scary it can be to admit to yourself that things aren’t great. And even harder to say it to your partner. Especially when you get to the stage where you feel like you hardly know them any more.
But there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. They all take work to be successful. That’s because even in a relationship we are still individuals. We all have history, past relationships, family backgrounds, busy lives.
And our life experiences shape us, even if we are not always aware of how.
Some people think talking about problems is a sign of weakness, but the opposite is true. Relationship problems happen when you stop relating with each other.
How Relationship Counselling Helps
We all want to feel loved and safe. But relationships aren’t always easy, and often its the people closest to us that hurt us the most.
And if you get stuck in a cycle of negativity, blame and resentment, it can destroy your relationship.
It doesn’t have to be like that though.
Relationship counselling helps you break the barriers stopping you communicating with each other. It helps you understand each other again and rebuild the connection.
It helps you start working together as a team again, instead of seeing each other as enemies.
It helps you both express your needs in a way the other will hear.
It helps you work out what needs to change, to get unstuck, and move forward.
There’s a big difference between living together and sharing a life with someone. Relationship counselling helps make your relationship stronger and your life together more fulfilling.
Or if you have decided your relationship is over, it can help you begin the healing process.
Why Do Couples Come To Relationship Counselling?
There are many reasons people have a difficult time with their relationships. Here are some of the many things I help couples with:
- Poor communication / everything is an argument
- Recovering from affairs, jealousy, or lack of trust
- Differing values, expectations, beliefs
- Blended/step/extended family difficulties
- Life changes (Bereavement, children, illness, job etc)
- One partner wants a divorce
- When you’re living separate lives
- Lack of intimacy, lost “spark”, bored, or in a rut
- When your instincts tell you something isn’t right
- Managing separation
Counselling can help even if your situation feels hopeless.
All you need is a willingness to give it a try.
Matt & Sarah’s Story
“Matt” and “Sarah” had been married for 5 years. They had 2 children, but their relationship had deteriorated since their second child.
Sarah thought Matt spent too much time at work and didn’t help enough at home with chores or with the children. She also felt unappreciated and missed her old life.
Matt also felt unappreciated. He said he worked hard all week trying to make up for the loss of Sarah’s earnings, and needed down time when he got home.
Both of them were always tired… they could never get a babysitter, or find time for each other. They both felt stuck in a cycle of criticising each other, bitterness and hurt.
Realising they were fast heading towards a separation, they turned to relationship counselling.
Communication was a big issue for Matt and Sarah… and their sessions were a chance to express things they were unable to before.
It gave them an opportunity to come up with some strategies to help them communicate in a healthy way. They also learnt how to validate each other’s feelings.
One of their biggest realisations was that they were often wanting the same thing… but saying it in different ways.
Their sessions allowed them to see their sameness, as well as their differences. And by understanding each other better, the defensive walls they had built up could come down.
They walked away feeling more connected, understood and feeling positive about their future together.
Here’s How I Work
As an experienced relationship counsellor, working mother and a wife, I understand stress and how modern life affects relationships.
I also understand that relationship issues are often very private and personal… and that sometimes, you may not even have spoken to your partner about them.
My role is to give you an unbiased perspective and help you understand each other again. I do not take sides – both of you will have an equal opportunity to speak and be heard.
I have a compassionate, supportive style and my aim to help you rebuild your relationship in the shortest time.
Relationship counselling can be short term or open-ended, for as long as you ﬁnd it helpful.
Here’s What To Do Next
Studies have shown that healthy relationships not only give us a happier, healthier life… but are an essential human need.
But as humans, we are also creatures of habit. And if you don’t work to resolve the problems in this relationship… you’ll likely repeat the same patterns in your next.
So don’t walk away just yet…
Book an appointment and lets work together to rebuild that lost spark and connection.
Relationship Counselling sessions are for 2 people, and can be in person at my Gravesend office, or online via Zoom.